


kids will be skeletons

by dreadfulbeauties



Category: Tokyo Ghoul, 寄生獣 | Kiseiju | Parasyte
Genre: ADHD Shinichi Izumi, Angst, Canon Divergence, Canon-Typical Violence, Gore, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-12
Updated: 2021-03-12
Packaged: 2021-03-19 05:33:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,992
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29994645
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dreadfulbeauties/pseuds/dreadfulbeauties
Summary: Shinichi Izumi - the coward, the not-quite human - runs away to Tokyo, which for someone like him might as well be hell.
Relationships: To Be Decided
Kudos: 6





	kids will be skeletons

**Author's Note:**

> takes place between episodes 4 and 5 of parasyte: the maxim, anime-specific. tg timeline is a bit ambiguous at the moment, but definitely pre :re.

He makes the decision to leave his phone behind.

It’s an old little flip phone, nothing like the shiny new devices the other students at school have with fluid little widgets and an expanse of data storage. Shinichi deliberates on whether or not he should actually take it with him for a moment — it’s old and run down, he tells himself, you won’t be as easy to track if you had a later model. But in the end, Shinichi leaves it behind along with his school ID card. Just because it won’t be as easy to track him down with doesn’t mean it’ll be impossible.

As much as it pains him to leave behind his books and iPod, he has to. If he’s going to be running away he can’t have too much to carry. Besides, once he finds a place to live — when, not if, because there has to be a place for people like him, right? — he’ll be able to purchase copies of the books he once loved so dearly. Even if they aren’t the exact same dog-eared, ratty old things that he loves because of their age, when he opens them up he’ll be staring down at the same words.

He still takes out Miyoko-chan, though. Even though she’s been tucked away into the dark depths of his closet for God-knows-how-long, Shinichi knows he’ll still miss the presence of the stuffed bear he’s had since childhood. Perhaps it’s dangerous but he still wants a reminder of the life he’s about to discard.

He’s halfway through neatly removing his clothes from the drawers and folding them so that they’ll fit into his suitcase when there comes a monotone, “Shinichi, what are you doing?”

He stares down at the hazel eyeball and mouth that have appeared on his right hand. “Packing.”  
“What for?”

“I’m running away.”

He smooths out the wrinkles on his green vest.

“Shinichi, what are you running away for?”

The words make him tense. 

_What_ am _I running away for?_

His first idea of a response is to declare that he’s running away to protect his family — and that’s what he’s been telling himself ever since the thought first crossed his mind last night. He’s been plagued by nightmares of what he might see happen to his parents or friends or _anyone_ , really. Too many “what-ifs” are what have him staying awake. _What if my family dies?_ Shinichi thinks. _What if one of the kids at school turns out to be a parasite? What if I die?_ And he knows that he sticks out too, too much — a chameleon that hasn’t learned how to change colors properly, not human, but not enough of a parasite either. These parasites can tell, and they seek to either kill him or absorb him. God knows what might happen to the people in his life if he stays for too long. To run away would be to protect them.

But what’s he protecting them from? What’ll they do without him around? Won’t that leave them all vulnerable? What would they do without him around? 

When he at last gives Migi his answer, he surprises himself with his truthfulness.

“I’m scared.”

“Why? Scared of what?”

“I’m scared…” _For the people around me — that’s the right answer, the noble answer, the correct answer that I want to hear and should say._ “For myself.”

“An understandable response, given what you’ve experienced in the past few weeks — I’ve noticed your behavior growing more and more erratic, if my research is anything to go by. You’ve been suffering from anxiety attacks and insomnia from what I’ve seen, as well as difficulty with your appetite.”

He recalls that evening he’d been eating dinner and suddenly there it was, the mangled viscera of the dog (no, what had been a dog, but now its brain was turned to mush by whatever creature had burrowed into its mind and _changed_ it) after he and Migi had killed it — he’d started shaking and then charged into the bathroom only after he’d tasted the bitter sting of vomit in his mouth.

“I know.”

“In my research I found that the best solutions to this would be to seek out therapy or medication, but I doubt the former would work in our situation.”

“Yeah, and… I’m not comfortable bringing up the fact that I may want to take meds, either. I tried out meds for my ADD—”

“The human abbreviation for ‘attention-deficit disorder’, correct?”

“Yes. I dealt with really awful side effects as a result. I kept dealing with back pain and felt really tired and empty all the time, not to mention I think my focus only got _worse_.” Shinichi certainly doesn’t like the fact that his inability to sit still and fretting over everything he says when he percieves the slightest notion of rejection are here to stay, but he misses the days when those were the most he had to worry about. “But I don’t really know what I can do in this situation if I stay here. I feel so… trapped. And I can’t tell _anyone_ about this, even if I had a therapist I’d have to lie to them, and what’s the point of therapy if I’m lying about how I feel? I can’t do that and expect to get better or stronger. I’m tired of waking up wondering how things will grow worse today or wondering what’s wrong with my body. And I feel so suffocated here, I can’t take it.”

“Shinichi—”

“I don’t have anywhere to go and I don’t know what I’m doing, but I know I’m too scared and I need to get as far away as I can from this place. I just know I have to leave. For Tokyo, I think.”

“Why Tokyo?”

“Big city. I’m sure that when Mom and Dad get back and find that I’m gone they’ll try to find me. It’ll be harder if I go to somewhere as crowded as there. I don’t know where specifically, though.”

“Are you certain that running away will help?”

_No._ “Yes. Because staying here will only make things worse for you and me.”

Shinichi lifts Miyoko-chan, who has been lying idle on the carpeted floor of his room as he packs, and observes her. He remembers when his mother first gave her to him as a gift when he’d complained to her of nightmares, how he’d grown excited at the plush bear with soft fur and a pale green ribbon tied round its neck. Miyoko-chan had accumulated dust from years of being stuffed inside his closet, though ( _Stuffed animals are for wusses,_ are what the boys at school like Kazuki had said, and while he’d been too attached to toss her in the trash permanently he always feared the humiliation that might result if they’d found her).

He knows he won’t be returning home again.

* * *

There’s a certain relief to being on a crowded train. In most circumstances Shinichi despises getting onto the train when it’s stuffed with people, because then he’s trapped and rendered stiff and quiet among so many others. But tonight on the train to Tokyo he’s just as unrecognizable as everyone else here — one look at him and then never another. Finally, he can merge as a part of the crowd and not be discerned by another soul, human or not. No one thinks to glance to the brown-haired, bespectacled young boy riding the train so late at night, one hand holding a suitcase and the other clinging onto the slim metal pole near his spot on the train, and Shinichi feels happy because of it.

He’s too tired to worry about what he’ll do once he actually reaches Tokyo, but too awake to fall asleep and possibly miss the train. So he stays in this halfway-point of his, glancing out at the window with lights reflecting gold on its transparent surface with faint dirt scattered over it. Migi has remained silent for most of this trip — Shinichi’s grateful about that, even if he won’t be noticed it’s nice to be half-alone. Half-alone because he’s not paralyzed by his thoughts unable to get out of bed even though he wants to play videogames or read books to distract himself, even with his parents gone away. Part of him laments having to leave his iPod behind at home so he can’t listen to music for some semblance of distraction against the whirring of the train engines and hum of air conditioning occupying the otherwise silent cart he stands in, but he reminds himself that he would be making himself far, far easier to track if he did.

_What’ll I do once I actually get to Tokyo?_

There come the worries, he was half-expecting them even in this strange twilight fatigue. He’s not sure. He just knew he had to get away.

_Where will I stay?_

He has the money to rent out a hotel room for one night (he took everything from his allowance, checked and double-checked to make sure that he hadn’t left behind any coins by accident) but what about after? Besides, hotels are rather expensive — at least the ones that aren’t run-down and smell of rotten food, bedbugs crawling in the spongy mattresses. Shinichi winces a little at the thought. He’s had one too many bad encounters with insects. And even if he were able to find a hotel that was cheap but of high enough quality where he at least didn’t have to worry about cockroaches scuttling across the floor, he would only be able to stay for one night. He doesn’t have any friends he can contact to see if he can stay with them in Tokyo, nor any extended family.

Even if Shinichi somehow finds a place to live, what shall he do? Will he attend school in Tokyo? He doubts it. Being caught as a runaway is too great of a risk, even if his school ID lies safely at home his name and photo might pop up in the papers and he’ll be spotted. In that case, he’ll need to find a job — one with enough pay to keep a roof over his head or pay for rent. But what sorts of jobs would he be able to find? And he has limited experience, being a junior in high school who’s only dabbled in the occasional extracurricular activity every now and again. He feels something like pity for whichever restaurant or bookstore is greeted by some nameless, glasses-wearing young man shifting around his suitcase and asking if they have any jobs he can apply for.

Suddenly, the train feels far more suffocating now.

He slouches, clinging to the metal pole. Something tightens in his chest, his heartbeat’s volume in his ears intensifies, he discards his previous worries because all he knows is he needs to get off the train so he can be able to move again, to _breathe_ again because being so invisible is terrifying, he’s helpless—

“This is Tokyo Station,” comes the announcer, “This stop, Tokyo Station—”

Shinichi makes a mad dash for the opened doors of the train when it finally, finally screeches to a halt, stumbling out and running his way out past the people walking across the station and into the city, where he’ll be swallowed whole again but at least he has slightly more walking room. His breathing slows down once more, heartbeat starts to quiet down. For the time being, he is almost safe.

Tokyo, he realizes, is far more chaotic than the train. Neon-patterned billboards make his eyes sting, cars whizz down the streets. Bold lettering on signs scream at him, the city is alive, a throbbing lively monster made up of noisy sights and eyesores of noise. He walks down the street and keeps walking, feeling what little belongings he brought with him rattling around inside.

In the bustling city of Tokyo, Shinichi realizes what it means to truly be alone.

**Author's Note:**

> ...i'm in a bit of a situation here. :]
> 
> when i originally outlined this story, it was going to be pre-aogiri canon divergent, with ayato and shinichi as the main couple. but then i did some thinking and realized i like the possibility of kaneki/shinichi, too and... i can't decide. i think both have the potential to make for really interesting stories
> 
> so! feel free to chat with me in the comments about what pairing you think would play out more interestingly and why. :> i'd be curious to hear your reasoning...
> 
> (fyi: i'm writing shinichi as adhd based on my own personal experiences with adhd. there's nothing in canon whatsoever to support this notion, but this is just an interpretation that popped into my head and i thought "huh. could be neat.")
> 
> regardless, thanks for reading. as mentioned earlier, i'd be willing to engage in discussion regarding the matter of future pairings in the comments <3


End file.
